Techie Jokes

An old man was sitting in a park reading the book "Learn C in 21 days".
A passer by saw him and asked "You are such an old guy, why do you bother to learn C?"
"I have heard that now communication language at heaven is only C , so after my death when I will be in heaven, I don't want to face communication problem." old man replied.
"But how come are U so sure that U will be in heaven? It could be hell also." he asked.
"Ya, doesn't matter .... I already know Java".

Layoffs!

Once upon a time, the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.
Parliament said, "Someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.
Then Parliament said, "How does the watchman do his job without instructions?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.
Then Parliament said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two advisors. One to do the studies and one to write the reports
Then Parliament said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions: a time keeper, and a payroll officer.
Then Parliament said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.
Then Parliament said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost." So they laid off the night watchman.

What is B2C/B2B ?

Is:B2C: Back to Core (technologies)B2B: Back to Basics (from all the hype)
Then.....B2B - Bangalore 2 BostonB2C - Bangalore 2 California
Now ....B2B - Back to BangaloreB2C - Back to ChennaiB2B WAP - Back to Bench, Without Any Project
May be Tomorrow.....B2C - Back To College (to study either Mechanical or Civil!)

For the Unix User - Funny Unix csh/sh commands

For those who have worked with UNIX, you've no doubt seen the various lists of "funny" responses from unix when you misenter "appropriate"mistakes... here is yet another such list.
% cat "food in cans" cat: can't open food in cans
% nice man woman No manual entry for woman.
% rm Godrm: God nonexistent
% ar t Godar: God does not exist
% ar r Godar: creating God
% "How would you rate Quayle's incompetence?Unmatched ".
% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?Missing ].
% ^How did the sex change operation go?^ Modifier failed.
% If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have? Too many ('s.
% make loveMake: Don't know how to make love. Stop.
% sleep with mebad character
% got a light?No match.
% man: why did you get a divorce?man:: Too many arguments.
% !:say, what is saccharine?Bad substitute.
/* not csh but sh */$ PATH=pretending!/usr/ucb/which senseno sense in pretending!
$ drink bottle: cannot open opener: not found

Don't Spend Too Much time before your computer...

How do you know you're spending too much time with your computer:
You wake up at seven, save your life and continue sleeping thinking you'll wake up at ten and then continue from the saved state.
When you press a wrong button in the lift you try to find the Undo button and when you can't find it you are amazed about the poor user interface.
When writing a letter you write \n in the end of each line. You've cut yourself while writing a program and before finding the first aid kit you first start the compilation.
You try to reboot yourself in the morning.
When reading a book you hit the SPACE key to turn page. When you close a window your fingers automatically go to ALT-F4 position.
You write your cheques in hex.
When talking about round numbers you mean 0, 1, 2, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64, ...
When the alarm clock goes off in the morning you do kill -9
You try to move a window to the background and you eventually notice it's actually a Post-It sticker.
The last thought when falling asleep is "Shutdown completed". When having a mental breakdown you complain that your storage unit is fragmented.
In train you watch the landscape scrolling by.

Programmers Replies

You *know* you're in trouble when they say #19.
Top 20 Replies by Programmers when their programs do not work

20. "That's weird..."
19. "It's never done that before."
18. "It worked yesterday."
17. "How is that possible?"
16. "It must be a hardware problem."
15. "What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?"
14. "There is something wrong in your data."
13. "I haven't touched that module in weeks!"
12. "You must have the wrong version."
11. "It's just some unlucky coincidence."
10. "I can't test everything!"
9. "THIS can't be the source of THAT."
8. "It works, but I havn't been tested."
7. "Somebody must have changed my code."
6. "Did you check for a virus on your system?"
5. "Even though it doesn't work, how does it work?
4. "You can't use that version on your system."
3. "Why do you want to do it that way?"
2. "Where were you when the program blew up?"
And the Number One Reply by Programmers when their programs don't work:
1. "It works on my machine."